Maybe he’s the one.
5 years ago, I broke my foot. I was on an epic bender with a guy I had met online. I remember going into the bathroom of a crappy Thai restaurant he had taken me to in the Tenderloin, looking at myself in the mirror and thinking “You can do this. Man up. Don’t puke. You’re gonna get through this night.”
I didn’t puke, but instead ended up somehow breaking my foot and needing surgery the next day. During my 6 weeks of being bed-ridden, I communicated with many a fellow on Craigslist. One in particular, would call me late at night and try to get me to come over to his warehouse in the Bayview. He would tell me stories about how him and his friends would get into constant bar fights, which I guess were supposed to turn me on, but instead just made me like him less and less. The final straw came when in one of his bouts of convincing me to go over there, he told me that he could just “fuck me and then never talk to me again” because he was you know, that strong and powerful.
So anyway, around that time I was given the go-ahead to start walking again, and I stopped talking to him. A few years later, the bastard emerges on Yelp, starting fights about vegans and hippies and homeless people. There was one particularly heinous, racist thread he started about the Mission. He was still using the same photos, so I e-mailed him asking if he remembered me and then claimed not to. I let it go.
Yesterday, I got an email from him on OKCupid. He still doesn’t remember me, becuase this is what he said:
I’m perplexed, because there is nothing in my profile that says I want to fuck random guys with strap-ons. I’ve always thought of that as an activity you do on your wedding night, or when you are in a real relationship (I guess I am just a prude). While the offer was tempting, I had to turn him down. But this being our third run in on the Internets in 5 years, I’m starting to think: maybe he’s the one. Maybe I’m just resisting what is clearly my soul mate. What do you fools think?
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