So You Wanna Be My Boyfriend?
My very good friend Stephanie, who has known me since I was a 17 year old online journaller, keeps this list called “So…You Wanna Be My Boyfriend?” that she updates every few years. My girl’s got her shit on lock down these days, so I can’t show you her list, but it’s awesome. The following is mine.
1. Do you actually like me? This may seem obvious, but is not. You’d be surprised.
1a. What I mean is: do you actually like me? Or just the IDEA of me?
2. Do you understand and agree that my compulsive internet usage is a charming idiosyncracy and not a serious time sucker? (This is a yes or no question)
3. Food. It’s kind of a big deal (I fucking hate that movie, by the way). How do you feel about going to places that are totally out of the way just because I “heard” they were good?
3a. On that same tip, how do you feel about doing things on the fly and without really thinking about them? Like, you know, going on a crime spree?
4. Are you too cool for karaoke?
4a. Get the fuck out of here right now.
5. If I, by some magic stroke of luck (or rather, some alcohol), politely request we engage in sexual relations do you:
a) ignore my request and instead continue to talk for hours *
b) ignore my request and continue downloading 1,000 torrentz *
c) look at me and say, “but pokemon will be on in only 5 minutes!” *
d) stop whatever you are doing and say, LETS DO THIS!!!
6. Do you have a sense of humor? Do you realize that I’m the funny one, not you?
7. Please list your top three favorite:
-books you had to read for school
-records from when you were in high school
-foods
-evenings in your life
8. Are you one of those people who thinks that smart phones and ipods are contributing to the decline of our civilization?
8a. GET. OUT. NOW.
9. If we are making out for the first time, do you stop the make out and say “Oh wow, I can’t believe I’m making out with a hot Latina!?” *
10. I like to drink. You pretty much have to like it, too. Sorry.
11. Communication. Can you do it?
11a. No seriously. Can you?
12. How do you feel about pop culture? Do you lump everyone who watches tv and reads celebrity gossip blogs into one giant, uneducated, unsophisticated blob of automatons who are all waddling around like the stock image fat people on CNN?
12a. You know the drill, dude. I can’t believe your ass is still here.
13. Do you enjoy crazy nights out to be followed by a day of hermitude complete with marathon DVD viewing and takeout, only to emerge at 8pm and do it all over again?
EXTRA CREDIT:
A. Make me a mix tape! Or 4. *
B. Tell me something else nobody knows about you.
C. Don’t be a douchebag. You should know what this entails.
* = true story
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